My breakup and transformation journey began in my final year of university; something shifted within me – the process of my healing and awakening was taking root, but I had no clue of the journey that awaited me in the coming years. My passion and excitement for what I was diligently studying to become, a Social Justice Lawyer, waned and my interest in the legal profession was no longer an absolute that I must achieve this goal. Nothing in my life was working for me anymore; my grades were suffering, I was juggling motherhood as a single parent and I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend, who I later found out was in fact a Covert Narcissist, which left me feeling physically exhausted, spiritually drained and emotionally disconnected from my life and the people I cared for the most; I essentially shut down and felt like a walking zombie. Pretty dramatic right? But, this was my reality for a few years.
However, being the stubborn Taurus that I am meant that quitting was not an option. As a result, I ignored and buried my emotions (not recommended) and managed to stay on track with my studies; graduating from my pre-law program with an impressive GPA, which gave me the option of applying to grad school. I felt as though I had finally made it over the finish line, but I couldn’t shake the lingering feeling of emptiness within me that left me feeling unfulfilled and anxious about what was going to be my next move in life. Little did I know it began a long, winding road of battling with bouts of depression, self-worth issues, and low, self-esteem; because of juggling full-time studies and single parenthood, all while attempting to recover from a toxic, emotionally relationship that eroded my identity from the inside out. Needless to say, and I say this with absolute love in my heart, my life was a hot mess!
Reflecting on that dark period of my life, which I have also come to acknowledge as being my feminine awakening, I now realize the universe was preparing me for a life-changing transformation; I was just too stubborn to acknowledge what was going on in my life at that time; can you relate? A transformation that would test the very core and character of who I am and whom I was destined to become. However, I needed to be incubated for a period, so that I could fully comprehend and process through trial and error what my role in all of this was, which was a difficult pill of truth for me to swallow. And truth be told, I made many, face-palming moments that when I look back on them now as I walk in my divine light I can humbly acknowledge that it was my stubborn resistance to change; some call it ego, others pride; but what I do know for sure is that it kept me in an emotional loop of self-pity, destructive behaviors, and victimhood.
The Universe knew I needed a RESET, a do-over. This I realized needed to happen in order for me to move forward and heal from my past of cyclical, toxic relationships within my life.
I spent the next couple of years wandering through life trying to figure out why I felt so empty and without purpose, it was a nightmarish time in my life. Life at this point had become miserably routinized and mundane; I did not even want to get dressed and comb my hair in the mornings, I’m sure many of you reading this can relate. My social life essentially had become non-existent at this point. Preferring the solitude of self-imposed isolation (also not recommended); I did not realize at that point in my life that what I most needed was a complete life overhaul from the inside out! One that reflected my core personal values and a life that was not scripted by society, generational family expectations, and most certainly not based upon the lingering, toxic chatter of my ex-boyfriend, the narcissist. I was committed to building a new life based upon my terms and my terms only; however, the awakening journey I was experiencing wasn’t comleted as yet, but as I became more intentional and determined to love ahead despite all the hurt, shame and regret I felt, little by little I began to feel empowered and motivatedto keep moving forward.
The defining moment for me happened when my spiritual godmother passed away suddenly from Diabetes and then shortly after her passing, my great aunt was diagnosed with aggressive stage 4 lung cancer. Having watched her battle cancer with such tenacity, courage and integrity reminded me at that moment that our time here on earth is short and our life’s purpose should not be wasted in mediocrity or chasing after fancy titles that are not serving our highest purpose as divine feminines. I made a very conscious decision that I would no longer accept or allow society and other people’s scripts of how my life ought to be lived to be controlled or dictated to me. I leaped and actively chose to redesign my life one step at a time; a life that now authentically aligns with my passion and purpose in life. It was during this transition in my life when I began to ask the questions I was too afraid and spiritually closed off to receiving the answers to; you know, the questions that most people would classify as being too woo-woo and out there!
But here’s the kicker. I do not believe anything in life just happens by coincidence, even experiencing being in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. Sometimes that sparkling, symbolic trophy (however, you choose to give meaning to that trophy) we are working ourselves to death to hold on to, accomplish or “magically” manifest into our life is the very same tool the universe will turn around on us and use to teach us an important life lesson that ultimately propels us into another direction in life; whether we are prepared to do so, or not. My lived experiences during this exceedingly difficult and dark time in my life motivated me to take ALL my regrets, hurt, anger, and toxic experiences with the narcissist and transform them into a spiritually awakened, empowered, and thriving life that honors the divine feminine that resides within me, and also resides within you too! Do I mess up from time to time? Of course, I do. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. But, the difference this time around is that I am not easily shaken anymore, offended, or brought to my knees whenever I feel as though life isn’t treating me well. My healing and awakening challenged me to look at how I was showing up in my life both personally and professionally. Was I choosing to stay stuck in the past or love ahead and heal my life!
This is key!
Once you decide to love ahead into the future after experiencing a devastating breakup you will discover that this breakup is an opportunity to rediscover who you truly are independent of your ex-partner. Thus, commiting to doing the necessary inner-work will reveal to you that you are stronger than this breakup!
There were many sleepless nights I would sit in the still darkness questioning my very existence. It was a time of rebuilding my inner faith in my abilities and talent, but also in a greater divine source that I would come to rely upon through prayer and meditation for strength, support, and guidance.
On January 1, 2016, I began to slowly piece together the vision of what is now Loving Ahead. Loving Ahead is here to support, inspire, and motivate you on your self-healing journey post-breakup. If you are an ambitious, successful, single woman who is fed up dealing with the cycle of mediocrity and toxic relationships within your life, you are in the right place!
As the adage goes ‘change is never easy.
The more I meditated and took specific, actionable steps towards transforming my life, the more empowered, focused, and intentional I became in creating a purposeful life; a life that is now dedicated to inspiring, supporting, and coaching other women, such as yourself to first:
Put down the burden of self-blame and guilt for this breakup
Acknowledge the truth of your life at present, regardless of how much it pisses you off
Release the old pieces of your life and the woman you use to be
Move forward with clarity in creating a NEW life you are passionate about!
EMBRACE and reconnect to the divine feminine hidden away within you
My path wasn’t an easy one. However, my journey thus far has been challenging, exhilarating, and most importantly transformational. I invite you to consider where your life is today post-breakup and where you would like it to be
1-3 years from now. Then ask yourself – what if…
Meet Your Training Facilitator – Tonya J.
Breakup Coach | Holistic Wellness Coach
I am certified in multiple coaching modalities and passionate about working with women who are feeling stuck, defeated, and broken after breaking up from a toxic relationship.
I am also a proud mother to an equally ambitious young woman paving her way in life. My passion and purpose for uplifting, supporting, and coaching other women was birthed from my heartbreak, anger, guilt, and shame after experiencing and surviving emotional abuse from a covert narcissist.
Before entering into the profession of Life Coaching,
I’ve worked as a licensed Early Years Educator, as well as a Family Resource Consultant for the City of Toronto, and other private non-for-profit community childcare centers.
My formal academic training:
BA Honors Degree in Law & Society with special interest courses taken in Women and Gender Studies
(York University 2012)
Advanced Diploma in Early Childhood Education.
(Humber College 2006)
Certified Transformation Life Coach
(Transformation Academy 2020)