Listen to the full episode: Forgiving the Narcissist... Is It a Good Idea?
Should You Forgive the Narcissist?
How many times have you heard - "why can't you just forgive your ex and get on with your life?" or "forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person."
The popular notion of forgive and let live isn't as straightforward as it sounds. There is quite a bit of inner work that must be experienced from a soul-level before you can begin the authentic process of forgiving your toxic ex. The danger of prematurely forgiving your toxic ex post-breakup before you have first forgiven yourself and have spent time processing your emotions, while detaching from the toxicity of this relationship can be detrimental to your recovery and healing journey moving forward because, in my opinion, it places you in a disempowered position of feeling as though you have to once again accommodate your ex's feelings and those individuals around you who feel you are being petty, difficult or stubborn; someone who refuses to move on with their life post-breakup, which is simply not true.
Authentic Forgiveness Takes Time
I believe at the core of the issue when deciding to prematurely forgive your toxic ex, or feeling as though it's the right and moral thing to do has more to do with wanting to feel better about yourself and the situation of being in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship. The fantasized notion of forgive and all will be well with your life moving forward is a band aid solution to a major situation that should be addressed with care, attention and patience; it is an attempt to bypass the necessary inner healing work that you must commit yourself to before you can consider doling out forgiveness badges to your toxic ex.
In this week's episode I discuss the topic of forgiveness - when and should we, as targets of experiencing a toxic, emotionally destructive relationship, forgive our ex? Often times forgiveness is given not from a place of authenticity, but from a place of I should do this because it's the right thing to do? But... is it really, or are we just performing, acting the part of being the better person?
Forgiveness Starts with You
Here's what I know from personal experience, you don't have to forgive your ex until you have first forgiven yourself, and once you have forgiven yourself you can begin the deeper inner work to get to the place of authentically forgiving your ex. But it's not going to happen overnight; this process takes time and patience with self. The journey of recovery and healing post emotional abuse or even when experiencing a devastating breakup first starts with examining what you need to do for yourself first and foremost, so that you can get to an authentic place of feeling empowered, clear and intentional moving forward when making decisions post-breakup, such as forgiving your toxic ex.
I hope you enjoyed this week's article and have gained some valuable information to help you move forward with confidence! As a Breakup and Wellness Coach my work in this world is dedicated to supporting and helping women such as yourself to HEAL, RECLAIM and TRANSFORM your life after leaving a toxic relationship. Do reach out if you would like to discuss how I can support you on your journey of recovery, healing, and transformation.
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