Healing and moving forward with your life after experiencing a devastating breakup may seem at first like an uphill battle; especially if your relationship was toxic and you realize that your ex-partner illustrated narcissistic behavior. As a result, you may have experienced what is known as trauma bonding and if this is the case knowing how to love yourself and be confident will challenge you to have an incredible amount of patience, love and kindness towards yourself as you begin your healing journey post-breakup is extremely important.
Trauma bonding usually occurs between two people in an intimate relationship when one partner takes advantage of or emotionally abuses the other partner; while appearing to care for and love their significant other; which is also known as love-bombing. When this happens over a prolonged period, you will naturally experience feelings of low self-worth, distorted self-image, and a fractured self-esteem.
However, regardless if you have experienced the ending of a toxic relationship from a narcissist or some other toxic personality type or you are having an extremely difficult time bouncing back from a devastating breakup, there are several self-care practices you can start doing today to set you up for a positive healing and recovery journey moving forward post-breakup.
(1.) Accept reality and let go of the guilt and shame
Now that the relationship is over, you must come to terms with this outcome regardless of whether you feel as though things could have worked out between the two of you. Acceptance of the reality that your ex no longer wants to be with you can be heart-wrenching; however, the longer you hold onto the ‘what if’s’ of this relationship, only keeps you stuck ruminating over everything that could have been. Find the courage to let go and allow your recovery and healing journey to begin.
(2.) Enforce the no-contact rule with a plan to heal
Often times when we intend on completely severing ties with our ex, it’s haphazardly executed from an unrealistic perspective. No-contact in theory is one thing, but following through with enforcing your no-contact rule daily is a completely different ball game. You must be mentally, spiritually, and emotionally prepared to enforce your no-contact rule, so that when you are tempted to text your ex or stalk their social media profiles, you will be too busy focusing on your recovery and healing journey.
(3.) Reconnect with your inner self
Reconnecting with your inner self is very important for your recovery and healing journey post-breakup, especially if you experienced being enmeshed within a toxic, destructive ex-partner for a prolonged period. You can begin by learning how to meditate daily to help you ground your energy and stabilize your emotions; journal about what you are discovering about yourself through meditation. You can also immerse yourself in daily nature walks or listen to soft, tranquil music before you start or end your day. These daily mindfulness practices will support you in focusing on what’s most important and that is your recovery and healing journey.
(4.) Surround yourself with a strong support system
Rome wasn’t built in a day and your recovery and healing journey won’t happen overnight. Ensuring that you surround yourself with a positive group of trusted, loyal friends and family members will be pivotal to your healing journey moving forward. Knowing that you can pick up the phone at anytime or reach out through text for advice, or simply to have someone listen to you without judgment will be a tremendous help to you moving forward. The key to this is making sure that your support group truly wants only the best for you and are willing to be your cushion during this tender time in your life.
(5.) Do not self-isolate, instead find a new hobby
It may be tempting to self-isolate and disengage from the normal routine of your life, but please do not make this a permanent solution to dealing with your breakup. Yes, it’s understandable to want some private time to yourself to reflect and have a few good cries alone, but staying stuck in this state of mind and energy will only set you back and delay your recovery and healing journey moving forward post-breakup. You had a life before you met your ex and you must continue to have a life — one that’s even better — after breaking up from your ex-partner. Finding a new hobby that you are passionate about is a good first step towards rediscovering your what you like to do without having worry about your toxic ex judging or criticizing you.
(6.) Give yourself permission to start over
While doing all of the above, one last thing I will leave you with to help you initiate your healing and recovery journey post-breakup is to give yourself permission to start over on a new page in your life. Once you have truly forgiven yourself and have decided that this relationship and breakup will not define the remainder of your life in a negative way moving forward; give yourself space, time and patience to rediscover what truly makes you happy from the inside out. How do you want this time in your life to define you? What type of relationship do you feel most represents your values? Lastly, what or who will truly make you happy in your next relationship?
This phase of your recovery and healing journey post-breakup, whether from a toxic ex-partner or you are simply having a difficult time moving on from this relationship, is temporary. It doesn’t have to take you years to get over your ex; but your healing also won’t happen overnight. You must be willing to do the necessary inner work on yours
elf by being consistent, disciplined and mindful of your thoughts and actions.
I hope you enjoyed this week's article and have gained some valuable information to help you move forward with confidence! As a Breakup and Wellness Coach, my work in this world is dedicated to supporting and helping women such as yourself to HEAL, RECLAIM and TRANSFORM your life after leaving a toxic relationship. Do reach out if you would like to discuss how I can support you on your journey of recovery, healing, and transformation.
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