Let's face it, recovering from a toxic relationship that was emotionally destructive and psychologically tormenting is not an easy experience to heal and bounce back from; especially if you are a woman dating or married to a covert narcissist. I've spoken about the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical damage that a toxic relationship can have on your life if you choose not to fully commit to doing the necessary inner work of healing on yourself once you've left such a relationship; however, in today's article I'd like to discuss why your emotional energy plays an integral, but often overlooked, role in your healing and recovery journey once you've left a toxic relationship.
Toxic Relationship Articles:
(Article:) Cord Cutting Ritual After a Toxic Relationship
(Article:) 10 Healing Lessons I Learned After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
(Article:) Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship
What is Emotional Energy?
Emotional energy is a form of psychic energy - negative or positive - that can have an impact on a woman's spiritual, physical and psychological well-being. Emotional energy refers to the energetically charged emotions and sensations we feel on a daily basis, which can often remain trapped and hidden within our physical bodies until they manifest in negative ways such as stress, anxiety, fear or depression. However, understanding what your emotional energy is communicating to you on your journey of healing and recovery after experiencing a toxic relationship that ended in a devastating breakup is key to holistically managing your daily reactions to situations that may arise in a healthy and productive way, rather than a negative, unhealthy way. The goal is to consistently maintain emotional balance, while also cultivating inner peace post breakup so that you can heal and move forward with your life.
Learning to Recognize Your Thoughts and Feelings
On my path of healing and recovery after dating a covert narcissist who was highly toxic and emotionally destructive, one of the biggest hurdles for me was learning to acknowledge and control my erratic, angry, emotions that I experienced on a daily basis after the breakup; which also contributed to the further deterioration of my wounded feminine energy. Dealing with shame, guilt and embarrassment of allowing myself to be treated the way I was within that relationship was a never-ending, up and down emotional roller-coaster of everything I perceived that I did wrong; which now that I am healed and looking back on those dark days of my early healing journey I can objectively observe that this was my victim mentality controlling my thoughts, emotions and reactions.
However, what I realized as I delved deeper on my healing journey is that one of the first and most important steps towards emotional regulation is becoming aware of the depleting thoughts and emotions that was plaguing my day to day life on a regular basis. Acknowledging these thoughts and emotions for what they were (toxic residue from previous relationships) and then learning how to holistically manage and direct that emotional energy into a energetic filtering container; where I took the time to slow down the erratic outburst and quietly observe what was a healthy and productive thought vs what was a negative and destructive thought or emotion.
As a result of taking control of my emotions and thoughts whenever I energetically felt they were not in alignment with the frequency of healing, love and inner peace I trained myself to filter and purge those destructive thoughts and emotions into focused, productive healing activities that elevated my vibration, such as meditation and stimulating, low-resistance exercises (yoga, swimming and nature walks). It's important to notice if your thoughts are feeling chaotic or confused, or if you feel like deeply rooted, unresolved, emotions might be influencing you in your day to day life. You must be willing to allow yourself to gain awareness over your emotional energy output, which will help you prepare for the challenging days ahead of you on your recovery and healing journey after experiencing a toxic relationship.
Take Time to Honor Your Emotions After a Breakup
After experiencing a toxic relationship that ended in a devastating breakup, it's easy to fall into the habit of judging ourselves while also continuing the cycle of having negative thoughts about the ending of the relationship. For example, we obsess about why we're thinking what we're thinking, why we're having the type of feelings we are experiencing and question the validity of these feelings obsessively; or that we should be expressing our feelings in a certain manner - it's a maddening, emotional roller-coaster I am sure many of you are experiencing on your own journey of healing and recovery. However, it’s important to remember that no two people experience emotions the same way, and there is no one perfect way to express your emotions after experiencing a toxic relationship that resulted in a devastating breakup. If you find yourself judging how you feel or your chosen method of expressing yourself, take some time to give yourself space to filter through your emotions and thoughts and then release those judgments.
How Do You Connect to The Emotions Manifesting in Your Body?
Our bodies and our minds are intricately connected, so when a certain emotion comes to the surface, it wants to communicate with us. Your emotions will often manifests as physical sensations, within a specific part of the body. This is why it's important for you to have an emotional filtering practice that allows you to direct that pent up energy into a productive healing activity or exercise such yoga, meditation, swimming or even dancing because you are acknowledging this emotional energy and exerting outwards away from your physical body.
Below are 6 common signs that you have unfiltered emotional energy that needs your undivided attention
You might feel tightness in your chest
You feel nervous or achy if you’re feeling stressed.
You experience constant migraines or headaches
Your breathing increases rapidly without just cause
You may experience chronic lower back pain
You may experience hair loss
Your eating habits may change suddenly (emotional eating)
Excessive drinking (emotional drinking)
Excessive weight gain or loss (as a result of over/under eating)
Frequent lethargy despite having a full night rest
If you are experiencing any of these physical symptoms, you are more than likely experiencing an emotional energy block that you have not spent adequate time acknowledging and then allowing it to filter through your physical body. The best practice of dealing with these physical symptoms is to designate a private, quiet area in your home and spend time noticing where you're carrying these blocked emotions and check-in with them daily. Take a moment to sit still and observe the physical sensations without judgment. Listen, intuitively, to what they are telling you.
Below are 5 common reasons why your body is being triggered by your emotions:
Fear of the future without your ex.
Shame of experiencing this breakup.
Guilt for not doing something sooner when the reflags were present.
Low self-worth as a result of the trauma bonding you experienced.
Low self-esteem as a result of being torn down and silenced for having an opinion.
Rediscovering Your TRUE Self - Emotional Energy Awareness
Toxic relationships are emotionally destructive. The psychological torment and isolation you might be feeling is absolutely normal. The true challenge is being able to confront your blocked, or corrupted emotions post breakup and acknowledge them without judgement, shame or guilt. To rediscover your true self and understand the emotional energy that is blocking you on your journey of healing and recovery post breakup, it’s important to allow your emotions to come to the surface and let them energetically tell you why you're feeling or thinking the way you are; however, you must be able to do this without fear or resistance.
Lastly, try to resist the urge to numb your emotions with mindless activities or harmful substances and try to filter out those negative emotions and thoughts by participating in healthy, holistic, healing practices and activities that uplift and inspire you, such as the ones spoken about earlier in this article. I know this may sound easier said than done, but know that the feelings you're experiencing are simply just that - fleeting moments of low frequency emotions that come and go like clouds in the sky on a bright summer day. You can ride them out without getting lost in a storm of negative emotions and thoughts. From here, you can slowly start to build an understanding of where these emotions came from and develop healthier ways of managing them post breakup after experiencing a toxic relationship.
I hope you enjoyed this week's article and have gained some valuable information to help you move forward with confidence! As a Breakup and Wellness Coach, my work in this world is dedicated to supporting and helping women such as yourself to HEAL, RECLAIM and TRANSFORM your life after leaving a toxic relationship. Do reach out if you would like to discuss how I can support you on your journey of recovery, healing, and transformation.