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  • Writer's pictureTonya

Why the No Contact Rule is So Effective After a Toxic Breakup?

Updated: Feb 23

why the no contact rule is so effective

Why the No Contact Rule is Debatable

The No Contact rule is a hotly debated topic among relationship coaches and their clients. Some coaches, such as myself, encourage their clients to enforce no contact once they’ve left the relationship because it gives the client time to process, heal and reflect on what their next steps ought to be moving forward on their healing and recovery journey after a experiencing a devastating breakup or divorce; especially if said client has experienced intense levels of toxicity within that relationship.

Then there are the other camps of relationship and dating coaches who prefer that their clients not enforce a no contact rule because they believe that it eliminates any chance of the client and their ex to possibly get back together in the future. A valid point, but I also think that other contributing factors have to be considered as well; such as, how the client was treated throughout the duration of the relationship, was there a mutual level of respect right up until the end of the relationship and did the client feel emotionally manipulated?

Lastly, there is a small segment of dating and relationship coaches who encourage their clients to utilize the no contact rule as a manipulative tactic to torture their ex back into a relationship by attempting to make them feel guilty about potentially missing out on what they could have had had they not messed up the relationship in the first place, which in my humble opinion is very dangerous territory especially if your ex is emotionally temperamental and toxic; why on earth would you want to play that game in the first place?

Check out the full episode: Why the No Contact Rule is Effective After a Breakup

Using Your No Contact Rule Wisely

I am firm on my belief that if you were in a highly toxic, emotionally destructive relationship enforcing your no contact rule is not something to joke around with. And yes, I do understand that sometimes it’s not as easy to sever ties with your toxic ex especially if you share parental responsibilities or are financially dependent on your ex for various reasons; I totally get it. But at some point, on your healing and recovery journey you must take a firm stand and make the decision to cut the toxic energetic cord to this broken relationship; and I'll say it again yes, it’s not going to happen overnight.

However, there are various levels of enforcing your no contact rule that can help you to begin detoxing from this relationship from hell and step by step move on with your life, which I walk my clients through within my private 1:1 coaching program Breakup to Level Up! Again, I truly believe that the foundation of any woman’s healing and recovery journey post breakup or divorce after experiencing a toxic relationship is to enforce some level or variation of no contact.

Replay: Why the No Contact Rule is Effective

Check Out My Latest Podcast on the No Contact Rule

Ladies, below this post, we’re going to get into a snippet from an archived, private, mini coaching session I held last year in the Summer Loving Ahead Facebook group where I shared my approach and theory of why enforcing your no contact rule is not a joke when attempting to heal and recover after experiencing a devastating breakup or divorce as a result of being in a highly toxic relationship. With that said grab yourself a light snack, something to drink and let’s get into the meat and potatoes of this week bonus, mini episode.


I hope you enjoyed this week's article and have gained some valuable information to help you move forward with confidence! As a Breakup and Wellness Coach, my work in this world is dedicated to supporting and helping women such as yourself to HEAL, RECLAIM and TRANSFORM your life after leaving a toxic relationship. Do reach out if you would like to discuss how I can support you on your journey of recovery, healing, and transformation.


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